Welcome to a new feature on Mad in Crafts that I like to call Crafting the Hard Way or How to Hate Your Hobby 101. Today we will be taking a look at how to do a reverse applique on a pillow.
The tools you will need for today’s lesson are, as follows:
needle and thread, and
an insanely masochistic desire for self-aggravation.
Step One of the Hard Way:
Don’t cut out a stencil. No, no, no. That would be too easy. Just freehand a design right there on the fabric. Oh, and be sure to mess up a few times and have to start over. This will take a while. I’ll wait.
All done? Why don’t you trace over your design once more in a darker color. You know, just because you can.
All set? Okay. Then you’re ready for…
Step Two of the Hard Way:
Cut out your design. Hopefully you made your design suitably intricate so that this step is as tedious and time-consuming as humanly possible. Bonus points for using dull scissors.
Step Three of the Hard Way:
Pin down your inside fabrics. Lose your straight pins and force yourself to use safety pins instead. Why not try using having to correctly place two different fabrics instead of just one? After all, two is more work than one! Just for giggles, choose a fabric that is sheer so you have to double it up. Nicely done. You’re really getting the hang of this “hard way” business.
Step Four of the What Was I Thinking? Way:
Time to sew. Sewing provides all KINDS of opportunities to set obstacles in your own way. The first one has already been taken care of for you. Because of steps 1 through 3, the applique will be impossible to sew unless you are looking at the right side of the fabric. Which also means that you will be sewing blind half of the time.
Next, if you are really dedicated to the art of impossible crafts, you will have already done as I did, namely you will have already sewn three out of the four sides of the pillow together. This means, of course, that you will have to BOTH turn yourself into funny shapes trying to get your hand to all parts of the applique AND be careful not to sew all the way through to the back of the pillow.
And it goes without saying that you will be doing all this sewing by hand. Logically.
Step Five of Oh, Who Cares?:
Insert the pillow and find some way to sloppily sew it closed because by now you WILL be sick of the whole process. Throw it on the bed, and command your son not to touch the pillow Mommy worked so hard on, even if it is for him.
Have a long, hot bath to de-stress from your hobby.
Step By Step (Hey, that show was set in Wisconsin, right?):
Consider getting a new hobby.